Thursday, October 31, 2013

good things come to those who wait

it's hard to wait. so very hard. i am filled with a desire to run to sweet wilson and let him know how very loved he is. i want to scoop him up and twirl around until we are both too dizzy to keep going and collapse on the floor laughing. unless he gets motion sickness, in which case i will skip all that and go straight to playing with cars and coloring and trying to get to know this little boy whose one photo i have stared at seemingly a million times. the longer we wait, the harder it is. and i know he has waited longer. i imagine how hard it is for him, that's the most difficult part of it all. i long to give this child a family, a home, and surround him with love and acceptance. i don't require perfection, acceptance or even love in return. i was thinking about this last night actually, as i reflected on our three youngest daughters. it is very clear that two of our youngest children know how to love, and are open to giving and receiving love and family. it comes more easily to them, than it does for one of our young daughters. and that's ok because i look at each of them individually, and i meet them where they are. i think that is the key to unconditional love. staying away from comparisons and loving each child as the unique spirit they are. every day i strive to be a better person and i can see huge growth and progress in each of us, including myself. i'm a better mom today than i was yesterday. my children are at various stages, and i adore them all. it doesn't matter who does their homework first, who remembers to do something without being asked, who comes running and wraps their arms around me first when i walk in the door. each night i enjoy time with my children individually and i focus on them alone. it reminds me to love each stage and each spirit. so dear sweet wilson, i love you already just as you are, and i cannot wait to meet you! 

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

fall and falling...

i love fall... it's my favorite time of year. i love the smell of october and the way the leaves crunch under my feet. i love sunshine warming me on a crisp and otherwise cool day. i love the beautiful leaves as they change from greens to bright oranges, reds and yellows. everything looks so pretty and inviting to my senses. i wish i could share my favorite time of year with sweet wilson. how i long to bring him home and have him join in our park adventures, carving pumpkin messiness and have him help me bake sweet treats on a cold day. i realized something else the past few days, and that is i am falling in love with the idea of sweet wilson. when you only have a photo and just a few pieces of information, it's easy to let your imagination run wild. i have no idea how close my dreams are to reality. i don't know if wilson is happy and ready for a family to call his own. i know that no matter how he feels, happy or scared, excited or anxious, i have enough love to hold him and help him through it. not too long ago i thought i would be preparing to travel and meet wilson for the first time soon. today i'm not sure when i'm traveling, but i am ready. i am anxious myself to meet the sweet little love that stole my heart and made me think of our ever expanding family as not quite complete yet. 

sweet wilson,
i can't wait to meet you. we long for the day we get to look into your eyes and say "i love you". you are in my every thought, my dreams and my heart.
xoxoxox