i discovered something new about myself this year, and that
is this: my heart can hold it all. i no longer feel compelled to banish the
hard stuff. life is full of hard stuff, and all of it has a place and a
purpose. my desire to ignore, repel and send the difficult feelings into
oblivion are deeply rooted in my childhood and the care i received from people
who, while they were well intentioned, just didn’t know what they were doing.
it really is as simple as that. i’m very mindful with the lessons i teach my
own children, as well as any children that spend time with our family. this has
always been important to me, and i’ve discovered the driving force behind it
was created within myself, many many years ago… the heart knows what it’s
missing. i take extra care with the hearts i hold close, and when you do that
you have to have room for the hard stuff.
i knew the wait would be difficult for me, and indeed this
has rung true again. the wait is incredibly hard once your heart has expanded
to hold another child. i suspect it’s never easy to wait for a life to join
yours, no matter how it happens. there is no fooling myself on this one, so i will
just hold that in my heart, along with images of a little boy who is waiting
too.
"Those are the same stars, and that is the same moon, that
look down upon your brothers and sisters, and which they see as they look up to
them, though they are ever so far away from us, and each other." - Sojourner
Truth